NOTE FROM A FETUS ON HEARING THAT HER NAME IS TO BE VANTH

I wish my name was, rather, Varth

because

an Etruscan psychopomp

like Vanth

is not my scene.

If I saw a dead, I'd run pell mell

not take it to hell.

Besides,

You can't spell Vanth

without "ant"

but you can't spell Varth

without "art".

Wouldn't you rather have an artsy daughter

than an antsy daugher?

Garth would also be

acceptable

(to me)

were it not for its subtle

masculine

undertones.