A poem a day in April from Rutgers English PhD students and friends.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

The Heartache and the Loss of

(This poem is brought to you by walking in the early morning twilight,
And keeping L. A. Woman by the record player)

I never get up this early any more
Unless it’s in a panic

When my eyes open and it’s still dark
And I slip out of bed

It’s too early to have perspective
So instead I feel the full loss

Of all those stupid photos I stupidly deleted
Like someone’s mom, too eager

Trying to clean things up in a frenzy.
And they’re really gone.

What’s left: an empty album,
And flashes across my mind.

A chalky M in a mountain, framed just so,
A sort of selfie monogram.

California is already a haunted place, a dream place, a weird place,
A place for higher weirdness and high points, high lights, high hikes

A chalky M, walls of a room I stayed in that my mom might have
(She hadn’t; she and my dad just passed through)

Along the road, western light. (Like in Wales. I lost some of those photos too.)
And not only the photos, my concentrated memories,

But the love mitigated, or spiked, into likes
Ephemeral comments that I thought would be saved forever

Things I saw and did that I let fly by
That I didn’t have to remember because I could revisit

I should have put them all in poems.


  1. Love. Yes maybe poems ... though those get deleted (or burned!) too! <3

    selfie monogram" = !!!

  2. yeah, true-- and ripped up! That selfie monogram image comes out of thinking with you & Caolan esp! I think my next runapowrimo is going to be about that by the way...

  3. this is incredible. and sad! this comment is inadequate!!

  4. I feel so belated, reading all of your poems from last week! But I love this visual, meditative, quiet, (sad) poem.